I had been thinking of Joshua for most of the afternoon. He's on my mind more often than not but more so that day because the previous Friday I had been anticipating our visit. You know a "this time last week" kinda thing. The visit was short and wonderful but now it was behind me and I was missing him ... again.
As I walked to my car my heart was overwhelmed.
Thoughts of that day ran through my mind. (You can read about it here)
My breath caught in my throat and tears filled my eyes.
"Calm down Kimberly. He's fine" I whispered to myself.
The truth is he is fine.
He's more than fine.
My boy is far away and getting ready to move father but he's alive.
Not just alive.
He's alive and well. Thriving.
I never hear a train whistle that I don't think of him.
I never cross railroad tracks that he doesn't come to my mind.
These moments of panic, those "what ifs" -- when what could have been invades my thoughts -- have come more and more often in the last year or so. Is it my age? Hormones? Satan? A combination of all three?
Whatever the reason, I have made a decision.
I will be thankful for those times.
I may never understand why things happen but I will be thankful for them.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not there yet. I'm a work in progress -- on oh so many levels -- and, honestly, I wonder if I'll ever not be in need of an "under construction" sign to wear around my spiritual neck.
You see I personally know three families who have lost a loved one to a train so I know people don't come out unscathed when it comes to locomotives. They generally don't come out at all.
What if I fought the thoughts of "what if" (i.e. he had died or suffered irreparable damage) and instead made it a point to thankfully acknowledge what did happen -- God spared my son -- and give Him praise for it.
Recently, I've been
I thank God for that train last Friday evening. I needed to see it exactly when I did. The timing was perfect. I heard it coming. I looked for it and it prompted me to thought. Coincidence? I think not.
Today I'll begin my list with:
1. Trains. While it may sound strange to others, they will forever be a reminder to me of God's protection and faithfulness.
Color me thankful.
So very, very thankful.
~ To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. (Psalms 30:12) ~