Melancholy Mama ...

Melancholy. There are quite a few definitions for this word, some with negative connotations.  The one that best suits my mood is "soberly thoughtful, pensive". Is it possible to place 'thankful' in there as well? Does it fit? Hmm, I don't know if it's proper but it is appropriate.  This week has been one of deep thought about the past, present & future.  Admittedly, there was a catalyst for the present mode I'm in. While, initially, "I can't believe I'm back here again" came to mind, I've decided that it's actually productive to take a good long look at where I came from, where I've been, the people that were so instrumental in molding me into the 'Me' I became.  I believe that everyone who has ever been a part of your life, big or small, has brought something to the table.  Not everyone brings the most appetizing dish. Some taste great but look bad. Some are very appealing but end up leaving a bad taste in your mouth and still others upset your stomach so badly you can't imagine what purpose the pain could possibly serve, only to find, years later, that 'Pepto moment' was an excellent learning tool, life defining. Others are simply nutritious and necessary.  But everyone brings something.  Maybe the season has a bit to do with my mood as well.  Fall is my favorite season and brings out 'The Nester' in me.  Thoughts of scented candles, wonderful baked goodies in the oven, cozy quilts, a good book, sharing a cup of coffee with good friends and good conversation. I could go on forever but all those things provoke me to thought. Perhaps it's because we slow down from the busyness of Summer with it's cookouts, pool parties, reunions, visits from faraway family and we find we have time to ponder a few things. Looking back causes me to think about the present.  You know the saying "I may not have gone where I intended to go but I think I ended up where I intended to be"? I love that and isn't is true for most, if not all, of us? I think so. I've been blessed with a great life. Raised by parents who loved me, married to a man who still adores me and who I love more today than ever, two children who brought me more happiness than any one woman deserves and have turned into awesome men that make their momma very proud, three grandgirls -- so giggly & sweet -- who love me every bit as much as I love them (& that's a whole lot of love!). Yep, God has been very good to me.  Then there's the future -- our lives, our Nation, our world. I, occasionally, have moments of internal panic -- watching the news & all the talk of the rising cost of living, the election and just the state of the world in general (especially with a son on a warship God only knows where - literally) then I remember the big picture -- the same God who's been so good to me and loves me so much, is still in control and is not panicked by my imagined emergency of the way things appear to be-- then I feel His prescence and I know everything is gonna be all right.  "Lord I appreciate You. My heart is full with love for You. You're a Father with my well-being in mind. What's important to me is equally important to You. Thank you for saving me from myself in times past, present and future. I trust you totally.  I love you".... He's a good God & I'm a blessed woman.